I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
