drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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