Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
