If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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