It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
