brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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