Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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