i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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