Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
