I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
