I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
