Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
