Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
