I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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