we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
