you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
