The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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