Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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