I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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