i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
