i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
