Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
did i just pee glitter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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