I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
