You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
