I want to make a zoo with you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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