They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
