1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
