Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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