Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You made out with two different species that night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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