i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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