It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
