The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
