So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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