I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
