So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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