Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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