While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
