hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
