Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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