Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
