Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
