sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
