Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
false alarm. still invincible.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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