My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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