oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
