I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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