I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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