Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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