I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
