My first STD was from a foam party
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
