He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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