I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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