If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
